Why do the Dying See Their Deceased Relatives
Before They Go – (人鬼通話?)
And What My Dying Mom Told Me She Saw
My quest to understand what the dying see began when I found out that my mom only had a few months (if that) to live. I wanted to be familiar with the stages she would go through and how I could best be there for her.
One of the things I read about the dying is that often they see deceased relatives or friends right before the end. In the world I grew up in (as a Seventh Day Adventist), I was taught that such things simply couldn’t happen. Yet, I read and heard story after story of men, women and children on their deathbeds who saw their dead mothers, fathers, grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters and friends. The same is true with people who experience “near-death experiences.”
The logical response to this phenomena is that lack of oxygen and the consumption of various drugs can do crazy things to the brain. Who knows what can occur when a person is hanging on by a thread?
As we neared the last days of my mom’s life, I so wanted to understand what she was feeling and seeing. The day before she took her last breath I decided to ask her.
First I wanted to make sure she could comprehend what I was saying. I told her I loved her, and she raised her eyebrows in acknowledgement. Then I shared a funny story about a conversation my sister and I had. The corners of her mouth turned up in a smile. I could tell that she was taking in every word.
And then I went for it.
“Mom, can I ask you a really serious question?” She turned her head and opened her eyes fully. I could tell she wanted to grasp every word that came out of my mouth.
“Mom, do you see any of our dead relatives in the room? Do you see your dad?” she shook her head to indicate “no.”
“Do you see your mom,” she shook her head.
“Do you see dad?” (my dad had died when I was 10). Her response was quite different this time. She began nodding her head to indicate “yes.”
“Is he here in this room right now?” she nodded. “Can he see me?” she nodded again. And then she tried to communicate with words, but was frustrated when she couldn’t get the words out. I could tell she wanted to share her reality with me so badly.
The next day mom was in a different realm. She wasn’t responding to me or my family members, yet she was having full-on inaudible conversations with a being I couldn’t see. Maybe my dad?
At times she would become quite animated, speaking deep within her throat and making gutteral (如滴水般)sounds. At one point, she kept shaking her head and saying “no.” It was obvious she was fighting something. I sat down next to her and tried to hold her. My sister also came into the room to let mom know she was there. I then called my brother and let him say hello.
Shortly thereafter, mom began having conversations again. When she spoke to the invisible being this time, it was as though they were having a cohesive conversation (黏住不放)— one that I still couldn’t understand because by that time her vocal chords were shot. She’d talk and then listen and talk again. It was as though she was trying to make sense of what she was being told.
The conversation ended, and a bit later her body constricted. Her brow furrowed. Then something profound happened. Her soul (the mom I loved and treasured so much) completely left her body. Her body continued to breathe, but there were no more conversations. No more frowns or grimaces when you’d adjust her legs or back.
What I saw led me to conclude that she finally agreed to go. Could it be possible that she went with my dad? That he was sent to take her away and keep her safe along the way? (魂不附體? 魂先體離開人?)
While I can’t be certain, this is what it seemed to be.
According to David Kessler, author and expert on death and dying, the following things often happen when a person is about to die.
David Kessler新聞媒體名作家
【David Kessler is one of the world’s foremost experts on healing and loss. His experience with thousands of people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life. David’s work has been featured on CNN, NBC, Fox, PBS, and Dr Oz.】.
- The dying are often visited by their dead mothers.
- Their hands often reach up toward a force that can’t be seen. (My momdid this)
- Family members and friends of the dying can’t see their visions or participate in conversations. (但台灣的觀落陰能?)
- Visions often occur hours to weeks before they die.
While there is no “proof” that their visions and communication with deceased family members or friends are real, some death and dying experts are adamant (深信)they should be taken seriously.
“People think it’s just confusion or the drugs,” explains Maggie Callanan. As a hospice nurse for more than 27 years, she has helped more than 2,000 dying men and women in their last days. “But frankly, the confusion is ours. The patient knows what is going on.”
Dr. Martha Twaddle, chief medical officer of the Midwest Palliative & Hospice CareCenter, explains further: “You can write it off and say it’s a hallucination, they’re not getting enough oxygen in their brain, but no, it doesn’t apply to many people in these situations. I have to believe they are transitioning; they are in a phase we don’t understand physically or metaphysically. And it is profoundly reassuring to see it happen.”
Following the death of my Mom, I am more open to the idea that something amazing (like my father being there to take my mom away) may occur. The experience is one I can never forget — and honestly I never want to forget.
Just a few weeks ago, I was wondering why I haven’t had many dreams of my mom since she died. As I was driving home from work, I said out loud, “Mom, it’s about time you come and visit me in a dream! Where are you anyway?” I then laughed it off and enjoyed my drive through my favorite canyon.
That night while I was sleeping, it happened. I had one of the most lucid dreams I’ve had in a long time. Mom was dressed beautifully. She peered at me with aHUGE smile. Her eyes were bright and full of life. She was happier than I had seen her in years. And she was younger, maybe her 45 or 50-year-old self. We didn’t exchange any words, but it was clear that she is healed, happy and free.
I woke up with joy in my heart.
August 28, 2015
【編按】：
有人以為進入彌留狀態的人意志力最薄弱，流行民間的迷信之一，收驚即為招回失落(wandering) 的神魂，一般道士(俗稱司公) ，除了吹號之外，定唱聲『十二條精神歸本命! 』人真有12條魂魄? 這是中國道教的看法與主張。一位垂危病人家屬去求神問卜時，會被告知12條神魂，10條已離人體，僅存2條，此即意謂離鬼門關不遠。這時垂死之人會胡思亂想，當然全是負面，此點東西方看法一致。而即使厭世者也不會主動去找鬼魂打交道，是牠們主動來找的。所謂『人牽m走(念kian)，鬼拖弄弄走(念zhao)』，前半句的「牽」乃affectionately leading, 而後半句的「拖∣」表示unkindly dragging。(但「牽拖」在台語則作誣控解) ，另為何都夢想到『熟識的親友』? 也許是『陌生人』拉你不走? 也無話可說吧！
Justin Lai (賴正雄) 評註
12/01/2015
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